Friday, 14 May 2021

May 14, 2021

Another flat day. No energy at all. 

Furthermore I was spectacularly autistic in my lecture this afternoon and have spent the entire evening cringeing at the shit I came out with in the class discussions.

Which is perhaps why this headline made me weepy:

Bring it on. It would transform the lives of autistic people.

It would transform the life of this autistic person at any rate.

Being furloughed in 2020 felt like a miracle - at last, I was being paid to stay at home.

Work for me inevitably means burnout. It might be fast, it might be slow, but sooner or later I will run out of steam and need to get away to recover for however long that takes. I have the social/emotional overload problems from the ASD, and zero sticking power from the ADHD. This is not a productive combination, but nobody else is going to pay my rent.

I signed up for the degree last September purely because I didn't want to go back to my main job - it's customer-facing, which I was finding harder and harder to do even before lockdown turned me feral.

The other job is hands-on and I work on my own, so it's perfect, but it's only ten hours a week at the lowest grade and you can't live on that.

So a little extra help to stay in a job I love without having to find something else to do that will burn me out and perpetuate my life of anxiety and chaos? Yes please. What a pleasant prospect.

Can't see it being trialled in the capital, but a girl can dream.

Today's Photo: Next Door's Pansies



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