October 21, 2021

This is what the moon looked like when I got to work this morning (crow for scale):

 A longer view:

Marvellous.

Less marvellous was that man infuriating me in our Teams meeting this afternoon. The current module involves researching a community action group or campaign/protest movement. He asked if I'd had any ideas on what to study; I said was considering either women and public space, or the anarchists who've occupied an empty estate agents' premises near me.

The anarchists would be the best ones to study, I told him, the most fun, the most interesting, but I know how stressful I'd find it to approach them, so I'll most likely do women and public space instead because I could do that online.

This prompted a monologue about how I should go and talk to the anarchists.

Talking to people is easy because talking to people is easy, he said.

If you find the idea of talking to people hard, you probably just need to prepare better, he said.

I can talk to him during our one-hour Teams meetings, so surely conversation's not that difficult? he said.

Why would I struggle with talking to people when I've "had relationships and travelled the world?" he said.

[No; no; oh yes I do; omfg I can't even.]

I told him that forcing myself to complete a diploma in journalism ten years ago caused a burnout I'm still not fully recovered from, but he still carried on, telling me about all the things I should ask the anarchists.

I told him that the strain of making myself interview strangers day in day out back then almost destroyed me and I'm not keen to repeat the experience, not even for half a day, half an hour, half a minute. 

Just make a list, prep some questions, give it a go, he said. 

I told him I'm no longer prepared to just give things like this a go, because I've being "giving it a go" for as long as I remember and I'm profoundly tired of trying to do things I know will cause me soul-pain, especially when I don't have to do them. I've got an autism diagnosis now; these days I have realistic expectations of my capabilities and will never push myself so hard again. I do what I can within my autistic boundaries, and everything else can go to hell, including the rest of this degree course if needs be.

As the chief tutor told us last year: "Don't get in your own way. If you're shy, design a project that won't be hampered by your shyness; if you're a lazy bastard, design a project that a lazy bastard can manage."  

'Don't get in your own way' is advice I have taken to heart. I know how difficult approaching the anarchists would be, so I do not want to approach the anarchists. How many more times do I have to tell him...

But still he went on. He really, really, wanted me to go and talk to the anarchists. 

How the fuck are people like this allowed to support autistic students?

Later on he asked me to "angle the camera down, I can only see the top of your head" again, seemingly unaware I can see myself in the small rectangle at the bottom of the screen where my head and shoulders were clearly and unproblematically in shot, leading me to suppose (again) he just wants to see my tits.

Anyway it was a sunny day and after the despair wore off I went for a walk and saw some nice mushrooms growing around the base of a tree.

Today's Photo: Fun Guy

PS. I wrote about the common modules in April. Here's an update: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-58947138