December 31, 2021

I made it! 

One post and one photo per day, for one year: done. 

The posts were mostly like this but never mind:

For a person who never manages to keep up any new routine beyond a few days, it honestly feels like some sort of  achievement. It was certainly quite challenging finding different things to take photos of when you only go to the same five places and stay home 80% of the time.

I guess the trick to sticking at it is choosing something you like to do anyway.

Realising I only had about 150 pages left of Eichmann in Jerusalem this afternoon, a book I've been dipping in and out of for months, I made a mighty push and got it finished so I could add it to the Books Read in 2021 total. When I finished it, I walked round to the library and dropped it into the returns bin. I did this instead of drinking cider and listening to records. Who says I don't know how to have a good time.

Today of course is #LemonPig Day, that age-old luck-bringing Twitter tradition that, erm, didn't seem to work too well the last couple of years but I'm nothing if not an optimist so here's this year's attempt:

Maybe previous ones didn't work because I forgot to add a tail? 

Although I survived a pandemic and retained a roof over my head and enjoyed many other blessings so perhaps the luck did work after all.

Here's the 'Before' pic. Tesco only had limes:

I was astonished to find I still had the cloves, hidden right at the back of the kitchen cupboard. They're from my mum and dad's house, which was sold in 2012, and they were ancient then. There's no use by date on them, but there's this:

I obviously didn't check the cupboard last year because 2021 Lemon (Satsuma) Pig had sewing pins for eyes. Here he is presciently capturing the spirit of 2021 after only its first week:

With the lucky lime Lemon Pig looking out for us, let's hope 2022 sees a return to some semblance of normal. Hang in there. Happy New Year.

Today's Photo: Looking Into 2022

 

December 30, 2021

I loved spending Christmas at my sister's, but boy am I loving this long stretch of Twixtmas nothingness even more.

It's great. I was born for this.

I even finished a book today! My ambition for 2020 was to read 100 books, and I'd reached no.50 - Midnight All Day by Hanif Kureishi - halfway through May. Then the Dominic Cummings weekend landed and we all know what happened after that.

I only managed 24 more books in the remainder of 2020; and only 26 in total during 2021. 

Here's 2021's list of things I read willingly (i.e. not including the tons of academic stuff for uni):

1. The Rhine by Ben Coates

2. The Most Dangerous Animal Of All by Gary L. Stewart & Susan Mustafa

3. Humans and Other Animals by Samantha Hurn

4. Who Killed John Lennon? by Lesley-Ann Jones

5. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez

6. Sylvia Plath by Susan Bassnett

7. The Year of the Hare by Arto Paasilinna

8. Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson

9. The Man Who Broke Into Auschwitz by Denis Avey

10. The Heart of the World by Alan Ereira

11. Unexplained Laughter by Alice Thomas Ellis (reread)

12. The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry

13. I Will Never See The World Again by Ahmet Altan

14. The Way The World Works by Nicholson Baker

15. Stranger Than We Can Imagine by John Higgs

16. Girl A by Abigail Dean (devoured this in one sitting)

17. The Woman Who Cracked The Anxiety Code by Judith Hoare

18. Reading The Oxford English Dictionary by Ammon Shea

19. Stiff by Mary Roach

20. Walking The Woods And The Water by Nick Hunt

21. A Life Discarded by Alexander Masters (reread)

22. The Life Project by Helen Pearson

23. Homesick For Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh

24. Sum: 40 Tales From The Afterlives by David Eagleman

25. The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey

26. After The Wall by Jana Hensel

 

My annual lists serve a dual purpose: they're a good way to avoid accidental duplication, and they're a nice way of charting the year - I can look back at the lists and know exactly where I read any given title.

 

In 2021 of course almost all were tackled at home. My only exotic memories are of shivering outside a Cathays cafe in thin winter sunshine reading The Rhine while drinking my first latte of the year; I Will Never See The World Again reminds me of crossing the Taff to see Billy the Seal then stopping for a quick read in Thompsons Park on the way home; and Walking The Woods And The Water came on holiday with me to Scotland so when I think of it I also think of Kelpies.

 

There are around 400 books currently in my tsundoku pile, of which around seven are partially started, and I got six more books as birthday/Christmas gifts from excellent people:

 

1. The Salt Path by Raynor Winn

2. Hungry by Grace Dent

3. Lean Fall Stand by Jon McGregor

4. Pocket Atlas of Remote Islands: Fifty Islands I Have Not Visited And Never Will by Judith Schalansky

5. Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell

6. Piranesi by Susanna Clark

 

My dearest wish for 2022 is to WILLINGLY READ 100 BOOKS. But also LISTEN TO MUSIC. TAKE PHOTOS. DO ART. BE OUTSIDE IN PLEASANT PLACES A LOT. And reconnect with the human race, Covid permitting. I want to stop being so much in my head; I want to move my body, get my hands dirty, engage, contribute, enjoy life again.

I already dragged my box of singles out from under my bed ready for tomorrow's (solo) New Year's Eve party. There will be dancing.

Today's Photo: 45s

December 29, 2021

Another sofa day. 

Very browsing, much wow.

Today I learned there is another Mona Lisa.

Somebody uploaded essays about The Canterbury Tales.

Roeselien Raimond took a load of beautiful photos of fox faces:

 

Some good Twitter folk collated the resources that helped them realise they might have ADHD. I'm slowly working my way through the articles. This one was like ticking off a checklist.

My hero Austin Kleon blessed us with a newsletter called My Year In 101 Quotes. As a keen harvester of quotes I already have a dedicated quotes notebook, but I like his idea of intentionally seeking out one a day. Here's a cracker he posted on Twitter recently:

The Graun gave us a nice article about helpful self help books today. Meditations has long been on my list of books to read and hopefully after I've dropped out of university in the new year I'll actually have time to auto that didact instead of reducing myself to a frenzied mess trying to get an endless succession of pointless superficial bullshit essays about things I instantly forget handed in on time.

Also from the article:

 

"Thoreau saw paid work as a necessary evil to which we should dedicate as little time as possible."

 

Hell yeah.

 

Now please take time to admire the masterpiece that is Ain't Nothing But A Love Cat by StuffbyMarkUK. I want so many things from his shop it's not funny.

I finally finished my Christmas window today:

The tinsel tree (50p from the charity shop) is standing on a miniature pretend retro TV that's got a fake fire instead of a picture. I love how cosy the TV looks, but I can't run it too much because it makes a tiny noise which I find very horrible (in case you'd forgotten I was also autistic):

 

It is, of course, also from the charity shop and is destined to end up back there one day.

Today's Photo: O Tannenbaum

 

 

December 28, 2021

Back to life, back to reality.

A gentle day, curled up with a book under a duvet on the sofa, and then out for a walk in the park. Slowness and silence the goal after a run of full-on days.

Today's Photo: The Long View

 

December 27, 2021

Still Christmassing with the fam - my brother's lot this time. Hearty walks in the rain and so forth:

 

December 26, 2021

 There and back again:

It was hard to tear myself away from two days of beloved human company, comfortable sofas, food on tap, and riotous games with the 8 year old. Also got to cuddle the baby, the real reason I went.

December 25, 2021

 Happy Holidays!

December 24, 2021

 Driving home* for Christmas:

* where 'home' = my sister's house

December 23, 2021

Happy Festivus! A day I found out about by seeing it trending on Twitter just now.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to celebrate by opening a bottle of Prosecco and watching episode one of Get Back, thanks to the library colleague who loaned me the link.

Merry Christmas to Dan, you bloody marvel.

Today's Photo: Best Case Scenario

 

December 22, 2021

Are cats liquid?

I'm not sure but here are some pics I found of them being quite weird:

The day I get to live with a cat again will be the happiest day of my life.

I'm so close to Getting Christmas Done now I can't even. The thought of it's a whisper of a promise for tomorrow... after putting in a full day's work I've got one present left to post (for a January birthday). I sent Christmas cards off today, only one day late this year. Everything's wrapped. I've tidied the mess off the floor. I even got to the launderette, and went for a PCR test ready for (hopefully) spending Christmas Day at my sister's. By close of play tomorrow I'll - I daren't even think it - have nothing to do except drink prosecco and watch a DVD, and the flat will be clean and tidy, and there will be no unanswered emails outstanding. That's the plan.

Fingers crossed I keep up today's rather spellbinding momentum. Deadlines are definitely good for me.

Today's Photo: Pavement Tryptych

 

December 21, 2021

Finished off the Christmas shopping. How organised is that?

Although I have a horrible feeling I've forgotten someone...

In town I found the Heofon Light Maze, which was just the ticket on a gloomy grey day:

The blue light tricked my brain into thinking the sky was summertime blue, an instant happiness boost:

It was visually delicious, and also fun watching the kids screaming around inside it:

I only realised it was a mirror maze when I went in for a go myself.

Think I'll have to go back and see it in the dark, too. It was proper lovely.

Walking home, the night came quickly; an inky, heavy blackness, the kind of dark you want to light a candle against.

So I did.

Happy Winter Solstice. The light is coming back.

Today's Photo: Fiat Lux

December 20, 2021

Last night before bed I wrote a stiff To Do list for today, consisting of six monstrous things that were all Urgent or Very Urgent.

It was cold and grey outside this morning so I immediately discounted the ones that involved leaving the house: going to the launderette, and nipping into town to get last-minute Christmas presents. Two down, four to go.

Summoning all my courage, I took the advice of all those motivational gurus and tackled the worst one first: ringing Virgin Mobile to get some information I needed. It's never as bad as you think it's going to be and I only had to listen to painful Ed Sheeranesque hold music for about half an hour before I got through. Tick!

Next up: contacting university about withdrawing or suspending my studies next year. I emailed my tutor; she emailed straight back with helpful suggestions. Things I have learned this year: asking people about things is surprisingly useful. Tick!

Two left. Hmmn. Christmas wrapping? Loadsa time for that, why is that even on the list? 

(Because there have been unwrapped Christmas presents strewn across all available floorspace for weeks and you're getting sick of stepping over them and the general untidiness and chaos in here? Shhhh. I'll do it later.)

Ok, last one. 

Oh no. 

It just says 'Emails' and we all know what that means. 

It means it's time for Twitter procrastination! Yay! Squirrels!

To Do lists are exhausting.

Today's Photo: Owl Socks And Other Gifts

December 19, 2021

Felt very chipper this morning, which I'm putting down to:

1. Getting enough sleep.

2. Yesterday's unexpected apology development.

3. Briefly seeing my friend Sam for a present-swap.

4. Deciding for real that I won't be going back to university in January - the choice now is whether to suspend or withdraw. 

5. Feeling miles better now the booster side effects have worn off (although it still feels like there's a hard-boiled egg in my armpit).

6. No more work until 10 January.

That's a fairly formidable list of chipper.

I even strolled around the lake the wrong way, which I haven't done since 2019, and it felt glorious to have this dizzying level of freedom again:

 

 

(When it was made a one-way circuit for covid reasons in April 2020, I remember approving of the council's decision to make it clockwise because that was definitely the right way to stroll round the lake. Ha. What a damn fool that girl was.)

 

Entertained myself in the park by taking pictures of pigeons, as you do:

 

And all the while I was wondering what exciting development the rolling news cycle would spew forth in the couple of hours I was out of the house. I remember the old days when you used to get your news through the letterbox at breakfast time, and then maybe a telly update in the evening if you could be bothered to switch on for it. Life was definitely better when there was less news.

Turns out I actually had to wait a few hours for the next Tory scandal. But there it was, inevitable. This time we got a leaked photo of the garden of 10 Downing Street on 15 May, 2020:

A "work meeting." Of course it is. When this photo was taken I was on my own in a cramped dingy bedsit, taking photos of my flowering cactus for entertainment and cutting up magazines to make a postcard for my friend Charlie because I was bored, lonely and afraid:

 

I'd left my flat 16 days out of 54, for hurried walks or dashes to the supermarket, since the start of lockdown (I know this because I marked those days on the calendar). I didn't have an internet connection or TV. My boss phoned me once a week to check I was ok and that was the only person I regularly spoke to. Going out felt dangerous and terrifying. Police and the coastguard patrolled the Rec telling people who sat on the grass or used the gym equipment to move on. Again, I took photos of it for something to do:

The patrols stopped after the Dominic Cummings weekend (May 23-24). After that, the Rec used to get so packed I didn't want to go out. That was when things got really bad for me. I don't remember anything much from the summer months but I know I cried a lot.

So forgive me if I loathe these lying, self-serving bastards who used a pandemic to line their pockets and carried on doing exactly what they wanted while the rest of us suffered. They should all be in jail.

Today's Photo: Tree Triptych

December 18, 2021

My brother, his wife and their dog treated me to lunch in Penarth today so I'm claiming the 18th as my birthday proper this year. 

It was wonderful to see them even though I refused hugs for covid reasons ("Get away from me, you're from England!"). 

NB the social distancing didn't apply to the dog:

As well as buying lunch my brother also apologised for a deeply hurtful thing he did to me in 2014.

I've barely spoken to him since then; I was too deeply wounded and couldn't find a way of putting how I felt into words.

The tone of the apology was about as sincere as a Tory apology; by the sound of it he wasn't entirely certain what he'd done wrong. This was probably because the mea culpa was entirely due to the machinations of his wife, a woman whose brother died in an accident in his twenties and who consequently has no time for our sibling bullshit. 

We'd talked about the hurtful thing when she came to see me in the summer because she is all about love and connection and the continuing strained relationship was breaking her heart. Our discussion was the first time I'd ever managed to speak freely about it, and I'd found I was still as distraught as when it happened.

So she'd gone home and had a word, and today, after a giant prompt from the missus, he said it, he said what I've been waiting to hear all that time: I'm sorry, I was angry, I did hurtful things, I was wrong. 

It came out of the blue and I was so taken aback all I could say was "Thank you."

I'll need some time to process it, I'm not sure I'll ever really trust him again no matter what he says, but bloody hell, what a birthday present.

Today's Photo: Loved Ones

 

December 17, 2021

Necking paracetamol helped get me through the morning job then straight out to do some Christmas shopping afterwards, but around lunchtime I was feeling awful again so I came home and went back to bed.

I've probably had worse birthdays, but I can't remember them. Postponing cards and presents until I'm more in the mood.

Leaving this here because I'll probably need to read it again in the new year.

Happy Birthday to me. I am 20,089 days old.

Today's Photo: Bale

 

 

December 16, 2021

Only two weeks left of this bullshit year.

I woke up with a slightly sore arm, then the side effects from the booster got incrementally worse through the day to the point where I was sat at work tonight with my eyes closed and my head in my hands, wheezing, shivering and groaning every time I moved. It was also difficult to stay awake. It was possibly an error of judgement on my part to go in. 

Got a lift home from a kind colleague, rah.

And now, an early night.

Today's Photo: Feels Like I'm Made Out Of Gingerbread